When I Grow Up
by myacademyboy
Summary: Vean Redding Lives in South Park. My second fanfic that starred Vean Redding. DONE
1. Chapter 1

"**I was born with a plastic spoon in my mouth." -Pete Townshend**

I woke up to a sound of a sharp ringing which pierced my eardrums and made me sit up

immediately. I looked up. I saw the huge flat digital clock when I looked up. It said 12:27.

I immediately thought of possibilities of why I was waking this early, because I usually wake

really, really early. It must've had something to do with my friends. They were usually the

cause of me waking up late. Or normally. Or waking at any time except for 6:00.

Anyway, I got up, because I had woke up, and there was no point in wasting this Saturday

morning. Well, it was the afternoon now, but you get my point.

As I walked outside, the coldness embraced me with a big bear hug. "Ow." I said, suddenly

beginning to freeze.

"Rring." my cell phone rang. Well, actually, it wasn't that ringtone, but my ringtone isn't that

tasteful. All it is is Jeff Dunham's Achmed the dead terrorist saying "Pick up the phone, it's

going to explode!"

Now, that sounds like a pretty good ringtone, but imagine how embarrassing it is to be in the

middle of Language Arts and have Achmed say "Pick up the phone, it's going to explode!" to

a whole class of 11th graders. Now that you have that idea stuck in your head, imagine having

happen to you when you're in a field trip to Washington, DC and it rings while you're shaking

Obama's hand, and a bunch of CIA guys tackle you. That happened to me last week.

Anyway, I grabbed my phone out of my pocket. It was showing a picture of a kid with a speech

bubble coming out of his mouth saying "I don't give a shit." It was Ozzy.

No, not Ozzy Ozzbourne. His real name was Ozymandias Landon, but who likes saying

Ozymandias every time you reference to a kid with shaggy black-red hair with wild bangs and

a hoodie that has smartass slogans like "If I knew the answer, I'd be teaching the class."

I answered the phone by saying "Princeofdarknesssayswhat?"

"Wha?" Ozzy said.

"Yes, what?" I replied to his clueless question.

"Oh, yeah. Ok. Reese and Kyle told me to tell you to meet in front of the school in 15

minutes."

"Ok." I said and hung up.

Ah yes, Reese, the Goddess of pranks. Ever since I knew her, I knew her for being happy to

prank anyone at any time anywhere.

Suddenly, I let out a groan.

It's not as if I don't like pranks, it's just that whenever I prank anyone with Reese, I'm the one

that gets blamed. Actually, even if I don't help Reese prank someone, I still get blamed. I think

there's something about me that makes me her top priority for getting in trouble for her pranks.

And amazingly, she has never got caught. Well, maybe before I moved here, but never since

me. I think she considers me a good luck charm for her pranks.

In 15 minutes, I was standing in front of South Park High School with Kyle, Reese, Ozzy, and

for some reason Vito Sossani. Vito was a kind of Persian kid who was the second tallest person

in the 11th grade. I was the 1st .

"So what are we going to do this time?" I asked Reese.

Reese handed me a bag containing firecrackers of illegal size.

"Sweet." I said. "Just don't blame it on me this time."

"This time," Reese said, putting on a serious accent "I won't."

"Good. Jet's get to it, then."

* * *

**Good? I hope so. You can send in OC's, but for the love of god, review**


	2. Chapter 2

**_David St. Hubbins_: I do not, for one, think that the problem was that the band was down. I think that the problem may have been that there was a Stonehenge monument on the stage that was in danger of being crushed by a dwarf. Alright? That tended to understate the hugeness of the object.**

**_Ian Faith_: I really think you're just making much too big a thing out of it.**

**_Derek Smalls_: Making a big thing out of it would have been a good idea.**

* * *

By now you know that I don't have chapter names unlike all of my other stories. Well, Now the beginning of every chapter will be a quote from a band. This one is from a fictional band, spinal tap. Actually it's from the movie. You should watch it. It's uber funny.

* * *

If you ever see me with earphones in my ears, don't interrupt me. Seriously. If you do that, I'll

be pissed of. Really. My first reaction to someone making me stop my music is to punch them.

If I'm in a good part, I'll kick you too. Like right now. I'm listening to Alive by Pearl Jam. If

anyone disrupts me right now, I would punch them. Now that you have that in your head,

picture me walking. I'm just walking, listening to music, and Silas Landon, Ozzy's

annoying brother, decides to prank me today, and gets behind a bush, and when I walk in front

of the bush he jumps out of it, scaring the shit out of me, and earning himself a broken nose.

My first reaction is not to kick him because I was listening to a solo, it's to say "Oh shit!" and

run away. Now, I don't run because I'm afraid of anyone. It's just that last time I broke a

Landon's nose I got sued up the wazoo. Now, if you've never gotten sued, you'll know that it

sucks.

So I ran to Tweek Bro's Coffee, which is pretty much the bar for people who can't drink in

South Park. And who did I expect to find? Of course I found Lulu Summers, Kenny, Marie

Arlene and Luffy. They were always at Tweek Bro's.

Now here come the descriptions of the people you don't know: First there's Lulu. If you ever

saw her, you would only see some sharp blond hair and an orange parka, because Lulu and

Kenny are inseperable. I've never seen Lulu without seeing Kenny. The theme song for them

would probably be Drain You by Nirvana or Don't Cha Stop by The Cars.

Anyway, Marie was the ginger. Seriously, if she was short, someone would think she was a

leprechaun. Personally, I try not to think about her as a leprechaun, because I'm terrified of

leprechauns. Along with clowns and heights and closed spaces. And weird Avenged Sevenfold

songs where they fail at screaming.

Anyway, the last one, Luffy. Her real name is Alice Lufkin, but Luffy sounds better to most of

the people in South Park. She's the only person in South Park who has pigtails, which

distinguishes her.

"Yo Vean, wazzup?" came the sound of Kenny's muffled voice.

"And why is there blood on your hands?" said Luffy.

"Why do you think?" I said, walking up to the counter. "Tweek, get me a large mocha, extra

caffeine."I said. Tweek nodded.

"Seriously, Villain*, what's wrong?" said Maria. Villain was my nickname.

"I broke Silas's nose again."

"God damn it! Why does that little brat have to jump out at you every week?" said Kenny

"It's so annoying." I said. "Every freaking week I go to court for breaking that annoying

douche's nose."

"Well, get ready for the court."

Just then, Reese came in.

"Who's ready for some pr-" when she saw the blood on my hands, she said "I guess some other

day."


	3. Chapter 3

"I'd rather be hated for hated for who I am, than loved for who I am not." - Kurt Cobain

* * *

I hate philosophy. I've always hated it. Even when I wasn't being forced to do so, I hated it,

which is why I hate thinking. This year's different, though. I have a new philosophy teacher,

(if you've read my first SP story, be amazed) Mr. Skylar Livingston!

The only bad thing is about the people in my class. Since I hate philosophy, Mr. Mackey sent

me to the bad class, where I'm having to deal with Cartman. I don't even know why he's in my

class. He's not even on my team! It's fucking bullshit! Se? Now I'm even talking like him.

TRANSITION TO MR. LIVINGSTON'S CLASS

"Imagine you were in a train, being the driver, and you couldn't stop it, but you were going

straight and you were heading towards 5 workers, and you know that if you keep driving,

they'll all die, but there's a switch in your train that will make the track get shifted and you will

only kill one person. What would you do?" said Mr. Livingston.

Nobody raised their hands.

"Come on, just choose." said Mr. Livingston, obviously doubting that we would have the brain

capacity to simply choose an answer. Suddenly, Cartman raised his hand.

"Yes, Eric?"

"Are you gay, or just really annoying?" Cartman said in an inquisitive tone. That's when I

broke.

"Shut the fuck up you stupid piece of crap!!!" I screamed at the top of my lungs.

"Oh, sorry Vean, I guess you have some sand in your vag."

I got up and punched him in the nose. Immediately, I knew I had knocked him out. He fell

down without screaming.

For some reason, Angela screamed. Angela was one of the kind of smart ones in the class who I

thought liked Cartman.

"Well Vean, thank you." said Mr. Livingston coolly. "Okay children, now I'm going to teach

you how to take someone hostage."

"What!" Angela screamed shrilly.

"What, you like him?"

"Um, yes." Angela said while she blushed.

"Well don't tell about us taking Cartman hostage or well beat you up." said a voice. Then, I

suddenly realized that the voice had been me.

"Thank you for telling her, Vean, but we can't take any chances, we'll have to take her hostage

too. Lynda, will you knock her out?" Me. Livingston said.

"Sure thing." Lynda 'chocolate lover' Rivera said.

"Okay children, now we need somewhere to hide them until we can transport them elsewhere."

We immediately looked at Bain Cynis, who I don't know why he's in this class, he's smart as

hell, but he is a sociopath.

"Just hide them in a closet." Bain said.

Who knew philosophy class could be so fun?

* * *

Well, now Mr. Livingston is in every South Park story I've ever written (give yourself a pat on

the back Mr Livingston, you might as well be called a celebrity), but Mr. Livingston is my

AT (Academically Talented, the class for smart class -cough cough- only for non nerds) teacher,

and we did learn about that stuff.

KEEP UP THE REVIEWS!

P.S. On the week and weekend of Thanksgiving, I'll only have a new chapter on Monday or Tuesday. Maybe on the weekend, I'll have to see.


	4. Chapter 4

**I'm always jotting things down on pieces of paper. I've got pieces of paper all over my house. -Don Henley**

* * *

**Very Funny: I got a letter from planned parenthood today, me, I'm only 13. It's weird**

* * *

"Okay, solve 15 = y + 18 – 2, Reese." I said. I was trying to get Reese to do her homework,

since I'm in her class, and if she does it, I can copy her.

"How am I supposed to know that?" Reese said.

"Come on." I said "How can't you get that answer?"

"You don't know it." Reese retorted.

"I do, I just don't want to tell you." I said, putting on a _you're stupid_ face.

"It's y = -1, retard." Reese said.

"See, I told you you knew it." I said, getting out my iPod Touch.

"Not this time, retard." said Reese, slapping my iTouch out of my hands. "This time, you have

to work, too."

Ok, now comes the scene. I was in Garrison's class, and he made us work with the people next

to us. Sadly, in this class, it was Reese. I mean, she's smart and all, but she always makes me

work. Happily in all of my other classes, Butters always has to works with me, so I just listen to

music while he works. It's a good deal for me being in AP classes. I shouldn't be in AP classes,

since for one thing, I sleep while my history teacher talks. Another thing, The best essay I have

ever wrote was me writing the lyrics of Sweet Child Of Mine. Last thing, I can't do math for

crap. The only class I excel is philosophy. Skylar thinks I'm a philosophical genius. Too bad

they don't pay you for thinking about why we are here and what we're here for.

"I **can't** do math. Do you hear me, C- A- N- T."

"Just do the word ones, or actually, just let me listen to your iTouch."

"Really?"

"Sure." Reese said.

I fell asleep. Literally. I don't remember any part of that class from that point on. I only

remember when Stan woke me up and said "Fire! The school's on fire!"

I ran out, now seeing as half of the school was on fire.

For some reason, the firemen came in 15 minutes. It might've had to do with 1. They didn't give

a crap about school, and 2. They were just asleep.

By that time, the school was burned to the ground.

"School's out for- ever!" I heard Ozzy sing.

"No more teachers, no more books!" I said in response.

"School's out completely!" Reese said.


	5. Chapter 5

**"I'm telling you now, the greatest thing you ever can do now is share a smile with someone who's blue now, it's very easy..." - Led Zeppelin**

* * *

I'm so happy there's no school. The only bad part is, my parents want me to have a private tutor.

See, my parents think that I'm this smart kid with lots of talent, when really I'm this

troublemaker with a tendency to burn stuff if it has to do with writing or ink. That's the

problem.

I think the last time I even brought home my report card was in 1st grade, and the only reason I

brought it home was because my teacher threatened to shoot me. Truly, though, that was the

literal happening.

Then, on Saturday, this bald guy walked up to my house. Now, I knew that it wasn't the

mailman when he rang the doorbell, because mailmen never tell you when you have mail in

South Park. Then, when he said "Vean? Are you in there?" I knew it was a private teacher.

I ran down the stairs and opened the door. There I saw him. The baldest person I had ever seen.

"Hello, Vean, I'm your private teacher, Mr. Lourne."

"Are you sure you're not a psychiatrist?" I said, really hoping it was. With psychiatrists, I could

jerk them around until they just left out of frustration. Teachers were a different story. They

were a more desperate group of people who would do anything to get a paycheck by speaking

at a person.

"No, I'm your private teacher. Now, we're going to do some math. What's n in 15 – 1742 * n *

45 = 217?"

"Ok, look, the only reason I'm in AP classes is that I can make the dumb people in non- AP

classes do everything for me."

"I know, now use that smart brain of yours to answer the problem."

"No." I said defiantly.

"Yes, do it now."

"Up yours, asshole." I said, even more defiantly.

"Now Vean, you might be accustomed to swearing, but you can't with me."

"No, fuck off." I said, starting to get angry.

Then, the teacher slapped me. I was shocked, not hurt.

"Now, I will slap you every time you use profanity in my classroom." said Mr. Lourne,

thinking he had done the trick and tamed me.

"Fuck you, this is my house." I said, and punched him hard in the stomach.

He wheezed a bit, out of breath, and said. "Do not do that again."

"Then stop teaching me and get the hell out. I'll tell you why you aren't effective at being a

teacher and maybe it'll change your way of teaching so that you can become a real teacher." I

said.

"You really know the secret?" the teacher said.

"What secret?" I said.

"Every teacher in the whole wide world knows there is a secret that only the best teacher can

know. If you have a boring teacher, there, that's a teacher that doesn't know the secret."

"Oh, it makes sense now. Ok. I'll tell you. The secret is-

* * *

Sorry for having a 1 character chapter, I've been doing that too often. I promise next chapter to have most OC's in it


	6. Chapter 6

**I don't know where I'm going from here, but I promise it won't be boring. -David Bowie**

* * *

"So, what are we going to do?" I asked Reese.

"You'll see." She said, her voice excited.

We walked from South Park Elementary's parking lot down to a clearing where I saw it. A cow.

"You're shitting me." I said.

"Nope. We're going to get Bessie on top the roof first. Then we can do everything else."

"How are we going to get a cow up to the roof?" I said.

"Air lift." she said. "Happy birthday."

"Thanks." I said, so happy at this prank. It was a Sunday afternoon and we were planning the

biggest prank I had even done (I don't know about Reese.)

That night, Me, Reese, Ozzy, Kenny (of course with Lulu), and Marie (the leprechaun) waited

outside the school for the air lift to come. When it did, we were almost sleeping.

"Where do you want that cow to go?" said Jimbo, obviously the one with the air lift.

"On the school." I said.

"Oh, the old cow-on-the-roof prank."

"A lot more than that." Reese said.

"Well, have a good time." said Jimbo.

I got in the air lift, which turned out to be a helicopter.

"Are you sure you can fly this thing?" Marie said.

"Kind of." I said, and took off. It took me a minute to get the cow on top of the school. Then, I

flew down.

"Ok, let's put the other animals in." I said, happily.

That night, we worked to put snakes in lockers, birds in desks, and a monkey in the principal's

office. We even got some Monkeys filled with laxatives, which would go off at exactly 7:00

A.M., at the time when all the students were in the building, confused why a cow was on the

roof and there was a monkey in the principal's office.

"Okay, we're finally done." I said, looking at the school.

It was normal, except I saw a cow on the roof and heard the howler monkeys screaming.

"Okay, get in the air lift." I said. From there on, our plan was to sleep in the somewhat large

helicopter until morning, when we would be woken by screaming. Happily, Reese had

organized the whole thing so that everyone's parents thought we were at a mountain taking a

hike.

"What the hell!!!!!!!!!" I heard as my waking bell.

I got everyone up, because they were all deep sleepers and they wouldn't wake up otherwise.

"I'm..... So....... Happy......" said Reese as she yawned.

"Let's go in the school to see what happened." Ozzy said

When we walked into the school, we saw crap on the wall and some teachers (who were

women) passed out on the floor. I grinned.


	7. Chapter 7

**"I dress to kill, but tastefully." -Freddie Mercury **

* * *

Why no reviews? REVIEW!

* * *

I've always loved scary movies. They aren't that scary, especially stuff like Friday the 13th and

Nightmare on Elm Street. Okay, Other scary movies freak me out. But not slasher movies.

Anyway, they made a remake of the movie It's Alive, and I thought it was going to be like one

of those crappy remakes. It turns out it was the scariest thing ever. It literally scared the shit out

me. I'm going to have nightmares for months now. I have a handgun under my pillow. Not one

of those airsoft guns, the real type. I got a license from Jimbo, and now I can buy any gun,

except for assault rifles, those I would never get unless there were zombies attacking everyone.

One night, I was sleeping, then I woke up. I saw something on the window. It looked small, so I

got out my gun, and a flashlight (because of the movie Darkness Falls, okay, I'm really scared

of things that aren't normal people with weapons.) I pointed my flashlight at the window, and I

saw it. Someone's ass.

"God damn it!" I said, and opened the window. It was Kenny.

"Why are you here?" I said to a freezing Kenny.

"Hello to you, too." Kenny said, disgruntled.

"So?" I asked Kenny.

"Want to egg people's houses?" said Kenny.

"Sure." I said.

I let Kenny in, because my parents were away. My parents were away most of the time, which

is why people who want to recruit me for midnight egging sessions and TP'ing.

"So, who are we going to egg tonight?" I asked Kenny.

"Who do you think? Cartman." said Kenny.

"Let's go." I said.

"Wait, we have to get Reese. She's the only chance we have to get away with it." Kenny said.

"Well, she is an escape artist." I said. "Okay, get her."

"I can't get her, you always get her." said Kenny.

"Come on, I'm tired." I said.

"Please? I'll brew some coffee for you."

"Fine." I said reluctantly. I walked out into the street.

I walked a block until I saw Reese's house. I climbed up the wall, scaling it (which is pretty

much impossible), until I got to Reese's room. I put my legs through the open window, then the

rest of my body. I felt sleepy, so I laid on the floor. _Just 5 minutes of rest_, I thought.

I woke up. It was sunny, and Mrs. Brovlosky was nudging me with her foot.

"Oh, you're up. Why are you in my daughter's room?" said the bitch.

"Oh, shit!" I said. I searched around in my pockets. I found a magnum.

"What did you say?" said the bitch.

"Can I just leave? I really have to go. Seriously, Mrs. Brovlosky, please just let me get home."

"Not until you explain what you're doing in my daughter's bedroom." the bitch said

imperitilvey. (imperitilvey isn't a real word, but that's how I'm describing how she spoke.)

"Please, I'll get in big trouble." I said

"You are in big trouble."

"Seriously though, I could go to jail. Did you call the police?"

"Yes, of course I did." the bitch said.

"Oh, shit." I said as I heard the sirens of cop cars.

I got up and ran out of the room. I went into Kyle's room, and jumped out the window.

I landed hard on the ground. Happily, the cops were at the other side of the house. I heard them

coming, so I jumped the fence and got out my gun. I ran fast to my house.

When I got there, I got all the ammo I could find, and got a backpack. I filled it with food that

wouldn't get rotten, the ammo, and big matches. Then I ran to the South Park woods.

* * *

**That was the season finale! It's a 2 part episode. **

**I'll try to get a new chapter by Monday.**

**Happy thanksgiving!!!**


	8. Chapter 8

"**I am who I am and nobody can change it, and I'll keep doing me until I get myself famous, a pocket full of change for the day I am anxious, and make myself money off of mastery of language, the portrait's been painted, so bitch better back off, pick up the mic and kill it because I'm that raw, and the next person to compare me to Asher Roth, is getting every feature on their fucking face smashed off!"-Chris Webby, "Do my Thang" (part of a song)**

* * *

**I'm out of musician quotes, so give me a quote of your favorite musician and give it to me in a comment, can't make new chapters without them.**

* * *

So I was in the forest, a handgun and some food. Pretty normal for someone in South Park,

huh? The worst part was that a bunch of police were trying to find me. I don't know why they

think I committed a crime. I didn't do anything, for christ's sake! I mean, the only crime is

having a handgun, and it's for self protection. I felt like just walking into town, but my

reasoning told me _don't go into the fucking town! Who do you think you are, Indiana Jones? _

_They'll fucking massacre you, man! Cover your scent in mud or something!_

Okay, so my reasoning is rated R? So what? It's still the only one I have. I mean, if I could

have a reasoning transplant, I would, but until they come out with it, I'm stuck with this one.

Anyway, I wandered to a river, where I could easily see my reflection. I splashed my face with

the water, because I was sweating like a pig. I felt like I was running a marathon from the U.S.

to China. I walked some more, until I saw a big tree that I could walk into. It felt warm, so I

decided to sleep there. I got out my sleeping bag and set it up. In a few minutes, I had had some

food and had fallen asleep. When I woke up, I saw 2 people. Once I recognized them, I

shrieked. I know it sounds like something girly (no offense to girls), but I was scared when I

saw Kenny and Lulu.

"Hey, you're awake." said Kenny. "What happened."

"Well, you wanted to T'p Cartman's house, you made me get Reese, I fell asleep in her room,

her bitch of a mom called the police, I had to run to this godforsaken forest, then I fell asleep.

"Yeah, well the police think you were trying to kill Reese, but even she thinks you weren't."

"This is bullshit." said Lulu.

"I know that, but for some reason, these stupid redneck police officers think I'm some kind of

murderer and that I would kill someone with a gun in the middle of the night." I said.

"Well, we're lost." said Kenny.

"We were on a picnic until we got lost, and then thought that we could wait until the morning

in this tree, but then found you were here."

"So what are we supposed to do?" I said.

"Camp out here, and tomorrow night I'll show you how to get home."

"Why not tonight, we don't have a way to sleep." said Lulu.

"Fine, take my sleeping bag, I brought some sheets for really cold weather."

"Thanks." said Kenny.

We all fell asleep quickly, because we were tired as hell.

When I woke, Kenny and Lulu were standing, all ready to go back to town.

"Let's go, it's tomorrow night." said Lulu.

I got up and got dressed. We walked into town, with me carrying my handgun and some ammo.

"Bye." I said to Kenny and Lulu, then walked to my house.

I fell asleep in my bed. When I woke, I saw a bunch of federal agents, the ones at Reese's

house.

"Your delivery of guns is here, sir." said one of the agents.

"Are you kidding me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" I said. "All this time, you just had to

deliver guns?"

"Yes, that was all."

"!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

* * *

My birthday today, getting a laptop, so more late night chapters, comment with the quotes, and

i'll keep it coming!


	9. Chapter 9

"**Who's to blame? The sword, or the man who has slain with it?" -Insane Clown Posse**

* * *

I guess no one has any quotes from bands? Come on!

* * *

I hate cats. They're all evil. Seriously, I actually hate them. Once, there was some cat who was

really cute. I'll have to admit that. All cats are cute, but they are really mean. If you pet them

in the wrong place, they scratch you. It's seriously mean. And they all have different spots

where they hate you to pet. Anyway, the cat walked up to me. It was wet, so I tried to pet it. It

scratched me and bit me. Then, when I hit it with a stick, some kid came out and told me to

stop hitting "Fluffy". Really, who actually calls a cat Fluffy? Stupid cats. They piss me off so

much. So when I'm walking to get coffee, what do you think goes through my head when a cat

walks past me and hisses? God damn cats, that's what I think. And cats ruin my day. If I see

one, my whole day will suck. Cats just put spells on me. They give me bad luck for a day.

Anyway, that happened to me today. A cat walked up to me and hissed. So far, I've had a few

things dropped on me, including some things that hurt (including a few eggs).

As soon as I got to school, I saw the worst thing yet: it was rebuilt.

I literally screamed with frustration.

The "Winter Break" was over. Ever since the school burned down, it had been good. Now that

we had to go back to school, I felt mad. School sucks so much. Especially since I have Mr.

Garrison is my homeroom teacher as well as my LA teacher which makes me be in his

godforsaken room 4 times in a day. The only good thing is that he doesn't care if you don't pay

attention in class. He thinks it's another way to get us to fail, since he gives a buttload of

homework. It really sucks. The options are to either fail his class and not pass high school, or

pass his class and get past high school and then get some crappy job that pays 9$ an hour. To

him, it's win – win. Any way that the principal looks at it, the kids will have a bad life, which

means that Mr. Garrison doesn't even have to try to teach. All he has to do is prepare us for a

crappy job. He thinks that the only way to succeed is to fail, and he doesn't even try to explain

it, he just says it like blind faith, which is a big issue in the world. People blindly consenting to

do stuff is troublesome. Anyway, as I was saying, he doesn't really teach, he's just a head that

speaks at us and discourages us for everything except the one thing he actually knows why he

believes, which is we will all fail in the "real world". To me, everything is the real world. There

is no fake sense of security when you're a kid. Whoever thinks that when you are young and

innocent, that's not the real world. Well, those people (like Mr. Garrison) can go to hell,

because it's mean, evil thoughts that are driving this world to become hell. I don't care what I

have as a job in the future, I prefer to live in the present, and no, I don't like those old 80's

bands like Asia or Flock of Seagulls or Journey. Well, maybe Don't Stop Believing, but what I

think isn't that it's The effing Heat of the Moment. I hate that song. Anyway, back to the rebuilt

school issue. The only think that is good is that I can go back to Mr. Livingston's class.

But still, I would rather be at home then going to school. Most people feel that, and I know, if

I want to be successful,

Don't drink or do drugs

Work hard in school

Be respectful of everyone

Plan and set up goals,

but to me, that's a load of bull. You see Ozzy Ozzbourne. Is he successful? Yes. Does he do

drugs and drink? Yes. Did he work hard in school to become a rockstar? No. Is he respectful of

everyone? No.

It's all depending on who you're talking about.

* * *

First of all, sorry for the first page being half confusing, and sorry for the second page being philosophical, but it sets the story for a new chapter (I hope, I don't know). GIMME QUOTES!


	10. Chapter 10

"**Who's to blame? The sword, or the man who has slain with it?" -Insane Clown Posse**

* * *

I guess no one has any quotes from bands? Come on!

* * *

I hate cats. They're all evil. Seriously, I actually hate them. Once, there was some cat who was

really cute. I'll have to admit that. All cats are cute, but they are really mean. If you pet them

in the wrong place, they scratch you. It's seriously mean. And they all have different spots

where they hate you to pet. Anyway, the cat walked up to me. It was wet, so I tried to pet it. It

scratched me and bit me. Then, when I hit it with a stick, some kid came out and told me to

stop hitting "Fluffy". Really, who actually calls a cat Fluffy? Stupid cats. They piss me off so

much. So when I'm walking to get coffee, what do you think goes through my head when a cat

walks past me and hisses? God damn cats, that's what I think. And cats ruin my day. If I see

one, my whole day will suck. Cats just put spells on me. They give me bad luck for a day.

Anyway, that happened to me today. A cat walked up to me and hissed. So far, I've had a few

things dropped on me, including some things that hurt (including a few eggs).

As soon as I got to school, I saw the worst thing yet: it was rebuilt.

I literally screamed with frustration.

The "Winter Break" was over. Ever since the school burned down, it had been good. Now that

we had to go back to school, I felt mad. School sucks so much. Especially since I have Mr.

Garrison is my homeroom teacher as well as my LA teacher which makes me be in his

godforsaken room 4 times in a day. The only good thing is that he doesn't care if you don't pay

attention in class. He thinks it's another way to get us to fail, since he gives a buttload of

homework. It really sucks. The options are to either fail his class and not pass high school, or

pass his class and get past high school and then get some crappy job that pays 9$ an hour. To

him, it's win – win. Any way that the principal looks at it, the kids will have a bad life, which

means that Mr. Garrison doesn't even have to try to teach. All he has to do is prepare us for a

crappy job. He thinks that the only way to succeed is to fail, and he doesn't even try to explain

it, he just says it like blind faith, which is a big issue in the world. People blindly consenting to

do stuff is troublesome. Anyway, as I was saying, he doesn't really teach, he's just a head that

speaks at us and discourages us for everything except the one thing he actually knows why he

believes, which is we will all fail in the "real world". To me, everything is the real world. There

is no fake sense of security when you're a kid. Whoever thinks that when you are young and

innocent, that's not the real world. Well, those people (like Mr. Garrison) can go to hell,

because it's mean, evil thoughts that are driving this world to become hell. I don't care what I

have as a job in the future, I prefer to live in the present, and no, I don't like those old 80's

bands like Asia or Flock of Seagulls or Journey. Well, maybe Don't Stop Believing, but what I

think isn't that it's The effing Heat of the Moment. I hate that song. Anyway, back to the rebuilt

school issue. The only think that is good is that I can go back to Mr. Livingston's class.

But still, I would rather be at home then going to school. Most people feel that, and I know, if

I want to be successful,

Don't drink or do drugs

Work hard in school

Be respectful of everyone

Plan and set up goals,

but to me, that's a load of bull. You see Ozzy Ozzbourne. Is he successful? Yes. Does he do

drugs and drink? Yes. Did he work hard in school to become a rockstar? No. Is he respectful of

everyone? No.

It's all depending on who you're talking about.

* * *

First of all, sorry for the first page being half confusing, and sorry for the second page being philosophical, but it sets the story for a new chapter (I hope, I don't know). GIMME QUOTES!


	11. Chapter 11

"**I don't really read a lot. Maybe I should." -Syd Barrett**

* * *

R - E - V - I - E - W

* * *

"Okay, students, how do you tell a simile from a metaphor?" said Mr. Garrison in his bored

tone of voice.

"Who cares?" I said out loud.

"Excuse me, Vean, for your information, everyone cares." said Mr. Garrison.

"Well, you're wrong." I said.

"Shut up, Vean, or else you'll get an afterschool detention." said Mr. Garrison.

"I don't think that this class full of delinquents and sociopaths" I pointed to Bain "really give a

shit about what the differences of a simile and metaphor are, since,as you said yourself, are

going to get really crappy jobs, which is why this whole thing doesn't make sense."

"Alright, that does it!" screamed Mr. Garrison.

I walked out of the class, happy my plan had worked. I'm not that stupid, I just don't care.

Anyway, I walked to the front of the building where Reese and Ozzy were waiting for me. See,

we're going to egg Mr. Garrison's house. The plan was simple. Lulu and Kenny pretend to be

sick using the Ferris Bueller strategy, and then they would get us out of school. Soon, I saw A

crappy car pull up to the school with two people in it.

"What took you so long?" Ozzy asked Kenny.

"It took us some time to convince my parents to let us borrow their car." said Kenny.

"Well, first I have to eat." said Reese.

"Fine, we'll stop somewhere on the way." said Kenny.

A few minutes later, we were all in Kenny's parents' car.

"Here." said Reese.

"Get me a double cheeseburger." I said "and tell them to make it medium rare. I'm going to get

my gun." I said.

"Why didn't you just bring it to school?" said Kenny.

"Retard, you can't just bring weapons to school." said Lulu.

"Oh yeah." said Kenny.

I jogged up to my new house, which was part of a big apartment building which was luckily

located next to the Burger King's that we were getting food at.

I got my gun, and 3 extra clips, just in case.

I walked out to where Kenny, Lulu, Reese, and Ozzy were sitting.

"Let's go." said Kenny.

We got into his parents' car. As he drove, he ate loudly.

"Kenny, can you stop being a cow?" said Ozzy.

"Yeah." Lulu said.

When we got to Mr. Garrison's house, we found at least 5 cars parked in front of his house.

A man walked out, carrying a DVD player.

"What are you doing?" Reese asked me as I got out my gun.

"Getting them." I said, and yelled "FREEZE!"

The guy looked at me, and ran into the house, but I fired and clipped him in the foot.

"Fuck!" the criminal yelled.

"Holy shit!" yelled Ozzy.

I ran towards the house, and yelled "Get out or else I'll shoot!"

In a minute, the remaining criminals walked out with their hands in the air.

"Leave!" I said. They left.

"Now, let's egg his house." I said to a speechless Reese and Ozzy, since Lulu and Kenny left

when I had fired."

* * *

Hope it's good enough to R - E - V - I - E - W!


	12. Chapter 12

"**It was exciting that the world was taking notice of what was happening in our backyard — whether or not the music was the kind that I really cared for." -Pearl Jam**

* * *

Talk about Ferris Bueller. What I had just accomplished was epic. I think it was better than

anything Reese had ever done. I had rewritten the rules for school. It was easy. All I had to do

was frame Wendy for burning down the school, even though my friends know it was an

"accident". Then, I became the school president. Then, I had to get a mob to kidnap the

principal so that I would become the principal. Then, the easiest part happened when I just

re-wrote the rules for the school. Okay, that's a little bit devious, so it wouldn't be as much

Ferris Bueller as it would be "Bart Simpson with a handgun". But still, I am part Ferris Bueller.

From a ADHD standpoint, there isn't any other way to release my energy other than pranks and

antics. So, technically, It's good that I'm a troublemaker. Still, I would be rated R because of me

swearing. But I am from Ireland (or not so much, but my parents are Irish).

Anyway, everyone was happy (except for Stan, who I felt sorry for, but it's better to have no

homework than a girlfriend in jail, right?).

"So, what are we going to do about the crisis situation of Science classes?" said Kyle, who was

part of my 'Grand Counsel of Representatives" which I had created. Now, some reps from

every grade. Guess who it was including.

Yes, it was including Kyle (duh), Reese, Ozzy, Lulu, and Kenny. There were also some smart

kids to do the work for us. The only good part of being in it is that you can skip some classes.

Now, I know you're scratching your head, trying to figure out why smart kids want to skip

school. I have # words for you :

Gym, boring classes.

Now, I have no idea why they hate gym, I certainly have no vendetta against it, probably

because I have ADHD and the smart kids know that you don't need to be smart for gym. Just

like that saying, "If you can't be a teacher, be a gym teacher."

"Well, we can transport part of the gym money to science." said Gordon Stolsky, one of the

nerds.

"What do we need in science, anyway?" I said.

"You might not know this because number one, you don't pay any attention in class (yes, Kyle

is in my science class), and number two, you're a jock." said Kyle.

"Okay, I'm not a sport jock, and that's the only type of jock I can think of, so just call me an A."

I said.

"What for, you've never got any A's in any classes, even gym." said Kyle.

"A for ADHD Anti-boredom Anarchist." I said.

"Wow, you make underachieving sound cool." said Kyle, as a comeback, which I have to admit

he's good at.

"Ok, let's move on." Reese said.

"Okay, I have a question, why are they here, they aren't smart." said Gordon, pointing at the

section of people, which including Reese, Ozzy, Lulu, and Kenny.

"Hey, speak for yourself, stupid 9th grader." said Lulu.

"Okay, stop fighting, first of all, Reese is smart, and the rest are my friends who have good

decision-making skills." I said, trying to stop Kenny from killing Gordon.

"I think the math department should have more calculators," said another nerd.

"How many smart kids are there?" I asked Kenny.

He looked at his chart, and then said "25%." Yes, we classified smart people. We also classified

band geeks, goths, emos, jocks, and many other types of classifications.

"Which is?" I said.

"234 people." he said.

"And how much people that aren't smart?" I asked

"702." he said.

"How many calculators?" I asked Kenny.

"750." replied Kenny.

"Okay, it's good."

* * *

OKAY, NOT AS GOOD AS LAST ONE OR THE OTHER GOOD ONES, BUT GOOD ONE HOPEFULLY A GOOD ONE SOON

R  
E  
V  
I  
E  
W


	13. Chapter 13

"**I am a man of constant sorrow I've seen trouble all my day." -Soggy Bottom Boys (from movie Oh Brother Where Art Thou)**

* * *

"Okay class, as you may or may not have heard, you all will be going to a camp where you will

learn basic survival skill for 3 weeks as the 11th grade field trip." said Mr. Garrison in his dry

speech.

"I already know basic survival skills." I blurted out loud.

"Yeah, well up yours Mr 'I didn't do it'." said Mr. Garrison. "Now, on the bus and in the cabins

you will have arrangements. **Co-Ed** arrangements."

"EFFFF!" I shouted out, not knowing how to restrain myself. "Fuhhhh Efff!"

"Vean, I there a problem?" said Mr. Garrison.

"Uffuhhhhehhhhh!!!" I stuttered out again.

"Vean, can you stop that." said Mr. Garrison again.

"Fuhhhfihhneeehh." I said. I thought I was having a mental breakdown. Co-Ed? Co-Ed!

"Thank you. Now, these are the arrangements."

Mr. Garrison handed down sheets of paper. When it reached me, I checked it. On my bus, there

was Ozzy, Red, Reese, Lulu, Kenny, Kyle, Stan, Wendy, and Luffy. In my cabin, there was

Lulu, Kenny, Wendy, Reese, Marisa Sossoni, and Angela.

Holy shit, Kenny and I were the only boys there! Fuck!!!!

"Uffughh!" I shouted out again. Then I regained control. "Done."

"Thank you, Vean, now tomorrow we will go at 5:00 in the morning."

_**A****DAY LATER**_

I got one the bus. The bus was one of those crappy narrow buses that we call school buses and

had graffiti on everything that ranged from T.M. + J.S. 4Ever (probably a gay couple) to Fuck

You!

I sat down on the last seat where only one person could sit followed by Reese, Ozzy, Lulu,

Kyle, Kenny, and some assorted other people. Sadly, the school could only afford those Special

Kids Buses, so some random girl had to sit with me, more on me (not on my lap,. But still she

squeezed the shit out of me just by sitting). It would be a long bus ride.

When I woke, I was on a bus with some random girls practically sitting on me, a teacher

yelling "Okay, get off in a single file line." and an Ozzy shaking me and saying "Get up, we're

here."

"Where's here." I said, confused at what was happening. Then the flood of yesterday came on

me, "Oh, yeah, OK."

I got off the bus after the girl that was practically sitting on me got off. She had left some type

of dent mark, because my left leg felt like it couldn't move at all unless I had a bionic leg.

"Shit." I said when I tried to stand up. I got off the bus and looked into a huge wilderness. The

only words that could come to my mouth were "Oh, shit." It was a huge campground with at

least 15 cabins on either side of a giant house that said "Cafeteria" in brown letters against a

rusted white plate.

"Hello, campers, and welcome to the camp!" said some voice behind me. I wheeled around to

see a big guy with red hair and glasses smiling at the mumbling pile of 11th graders who were

wondering what to do.

"The camp?" I said scrutinizingly.

"Yes, this is the camp, 28 cabins, one cafeteria, and 3 weeks of students learning about the

wilderness!" said the Ginger.

"I already know about the wilderness." I said.

"Well that's great, because we are always looking for some volunteers to help us teach everyone

else!" said the ginger with an overly upbeat attitude again.

"What?" I said groggily.

"So can you help us teach?" said the ginger.

"I guess, if it will save me from spending days wandering around a campsite looking for what

to do next." I said finally.

"Okay then. Now you can go set up your beds for sleep, and don't take advantage of anyone."

said Mr. Ginger. "Oh, and I'm the camp director, Mr. Aimee."

"Okay, Mr. Ginger."I said, and headed off the goose cabin (who the hell names these cabins?).

I set up my bed in a specific place where I knew Kenny, Lulu, and Reese would set up, but

seriously, it's CO-FUCKING-ED.

What type of camp that doesn't get lawsuits have a type of rule called Co-Ed.

Anyway, I got on my bed and laid down. I fell asleep during the time we were supposed to have

the info session, but hey, I'm a helper, so I don't need to know info, all I have to do is help

people learn how to fire guns.


	14. Chapter 14

"**I get by with a little help from my friends." -The Beatles**

* * *

You **have **to go to this link: .com/art/Request-for-CVillianS-146651294

I thank her for making a really great picture of my OC. Also, read Babe, It's Called Reality.

* * *

The first thing I saw when I awoke was a guy with a baseball cap that said: The Camp.

Then, I realized that he had red hair.

Then, I finally realized that he was Mr. Ginger.

"Holy crap, what are you doing here?" I asked him.

"You have to help the rest of the staff prepare breakfast." He said in a cheery voice.

"What? I never said I was going to make food." I said to him.

"You said you would love to help teach, and with the responsibility comes the chore of making

food for the campers." He said strictly, but still keeping his cheery tone of voice.

"But I am a camper." I said.

"Not anymore." Said the asshole ginger.

"But... But..." I said. "God damn you, Mr. Ginger." I finally said as I gave up.

He took me to a huge kitchen where there were at least 30 people doing chores related to

breakfast. "Welcome to the kitchen." said Mr. AssGinger.

"You mean hell." I corrected him.

"It's not that bad." said Mr. AssGinger in a tone of voice that told me he was trained in coaxing

and psychology.

"Okay, Sweets*, just let me get done with this so I can go to sleep." I said.

Mr. AssGinger made me peel potatoes, peel onions, which made me cry like the whole

population of the planet had been killed by an H-bomb, and then fried them in a huge wok.

When I was done, I walked back to the cabin, When I got in, I saw everyone awake and

dressed, getting ready to go to breakfast.

"Where were you?" said Kenny.

"It turns out that since I volunteered to be a volunteer, I have to make you campers breakfast.

Enjoy." I said, got up onto my bed, and passed out.

When I woke up, I felt like I was going to pass out again, but this time, it was because of

starvation. Seriously, I was going to die from not eating.

I went out and walked to a cabin that said 'Staff Only'. I walked in and saw no one there and a

box of donuts. I ate them all, and then got some coffee.

I walked out and went back to my cabin, where no one was. I fell asleep again.

* * *

*If you watch bones on Fox, you know who Sweets is. In case you don't, here is a bio: .org/wiki/Lance_Sweets


	15. Sorry but every story has a Hiatus

I am currently taking a break from this until winter break, but then I will have tons of stuff.


	16. My Plan Muahahahaha!

Sup, Readers.

You've been subjected to my plan. My huge plan.

The truth is, this story was an introduction to a project I will now be working on. It's called **South **

**Park:** **The Real Story**, where I will be writing seasons and episodes instead of chapters. I will include

all of your OC's in it, and the first episode will be launched soon (within a week).

When I put a chapter up on this story called "Watch", then you should go to my profile and you'll see

my first episode, called "Pilot", since it is traditional to name the first episode that.

Keep reading and reviewing, and check out Kootie Bomb's new story,

Conor "Villain" Stephenson


	17. The endgo to my new storyWATCH

Watch and go: .net/s/5599564/1/Dorm_D


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